I am so excited to bring you this post by my friend Sara. Sara and I met in college, and have been besties ever since. Distance has kept us apart physically most of our adult lives, but we have managed to squeeze in visits back and forth– enough so that our five daughters consider one another friends, too. Sara lives far from her two sets of grandchildren, but that doesn’t stop her from intentionally investing in their lives. Read on to see how you can cultivate a relationship with and stay close to young grandchildren who live far away. (This would work for nieces and nephews, too!) — Kim
How to Stay Close to Young Grandchildren Who Live Far Away
When my sister and I were little girls, we planned to live next door to each other as grownups and let our kids have parties and play together every day. Of course, reality is usually far different from our imaginings.
It is the same with my grandchildren. When I imagined my life as a grandma, I saw the grands living down the street, running to Grandma’s house and bursting in for fun, cookies, or maybe a sleepover–happy days and years of memories piling up one upon another. Reality again is very different. I have two daughters who have built wonderful and full lives with their husbands and families—but they are living far away from Nan and Gramps. One daughter with two boys lives four hours away, and the other daughter with her three little ones lives on the other side of the country!
Are there ways that a grandmother can build a loving connection to her grandchildren when she doesn’t see them very often?
Building connections with grandchildren who live far away
Before I share my connection ideas, I’ll share some determinations I have personally made as a far-away grandparent.
My do’s and don’ts as a far-away grandparent:
- I will not pester my grown children to live close to me. I want to give them the freedom to live their own lives, just as my husband and I had. This may be difficult, but it is a good gift you can give to your children.
- I determined to be respectful of the wishes of the parents in all ways of connecting with the grandchildren. If I need to ask permission first, then I ask.
- I’m not perfect at this, but I try to prayerfully manage my expectations so that I am not spending my time feeling frustration or other negative emotions.
- I determined that I would look for ways to creatively pass on my faith to the grandchildren. I want them to know how important God is to me.
- I believe that the biggest thing I can do to invest in my grandchildren is to commit to praying faithfully for them every day.
Connecting with grandchildren who live far away
Here are some things I do to stay connected with my sweet little ones as best as I can:
- Video chats are a great way of staying connected. I’ve played puppets with the little ones, or sang songs, or showed them the cat or other things they would find interesting. Some children enjoy video chat more than others. Another grandma I know, with the parent’s agreement, set up a weekly time when she would call to talk. Don’t be sad if the child doesn’t want to talk or be on camera. That’s a very normal feeling for a child. Just be positive, and say, “That’s ok, you don’t have to talk.”
- Sometimes just leaving a video message or voice message for the child is a good way to connect. This gives the parent the ability to play the message when it fits with their schedule. You don’t get any feedback, but the child has a connection with you through the message.
- One of the best things I’ve done that has worked well is making a private social media page where I can read picture books to the children. My daughters cast it onto the tv, and the kids sit and watch me or Gramps read them stories.
- Sometimes I write letters to the grandkids. Pinterest has so many ideas for handmade cards any child would love. The kids enjoy getting any kind of mail. Now apparently my little 3 year old granddaughter thinks all packages are from Nan. I may have sent one too many surprises in the mail!
- Think of little traditions that you always do when you are together or far apart. They will come to expect and look for these. My grandchildren love to watch a movie and eat a tootsie pop on Nan’s bed. No visit would be complete without this tradition. To build on that connection, when we are apart I always include a tootsie pop if I send them a box. We also send each grandchild a fun Christmas card early in December. Some other ideas may be: dressing up in whatever their birthday party theme is and making a video singing Happy Birthday, or sending a photo text or an actual photo of things you see in nature that they might enjoy. I imagine them as grown-ups one day remembering those traditions.
- When we take a family vacation together, I gather photos from everyone and create a simple photo album of the pictures to send to all the families. The children enjoy looking back and remembering the fun we had. Online photo books are wonderful too, and there is often a coupon or discount. The grandkids still get them out and remember. They miss you more than you realize.
- In writing letters to the younger grandchildren, I find that I quickly run out of interesting things to say! So instead, I sometimes write a made-up picture book type story, very simple with hand drawn pictures, to send to the grandkids. They seem to enjoy receiving those.
- Some years I subscribe to magazines for each of the grandkids. The ones I’ve sent are Ranger Rick Zoo Books, Baby Bug, and Cricket. My favorite one to recommend, and that I will continue to send throughout the school years is God’s World Magazine. They have magazines appropriate for each age group, and the stories are interesting to children.
It is not easy to live far apart from family, and especially when that includes our perfect and adorable grandchildren! If you have grandchildren far away, I’m sure you’re already planning your next trip to visit them, but until then, with some thought and dedication, you can connect with your far away darlings and make memories in many ways. I hope that if anyone else has fun ideas, that you share them
with us in the comments. — Sara
